The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
