i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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