Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Randomize
