Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
