and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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