i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Randomize
