Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
