Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
