I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
