The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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