I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
