Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
