For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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