those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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