Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
i came on her dog
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
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