i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
