I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
