The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Randomize
