My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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