It's Friday. Sex?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Randomize
