This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
The uberlube is also flammable
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
