No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
