sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
