I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
never play flip cup with pint glasses
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
