I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
ok first of all what the fuck
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
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