Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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