An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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