I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
