The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
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