So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
