Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
