he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Randomize
