The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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