The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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