I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
