i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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