just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
