Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
Randomize
