i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
