I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
