i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
