I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
