yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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