i already hear my dad disowning me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
