This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
If that was your dad, he is hot
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
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