We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
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