wakey wakey hands off snakey
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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