So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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