she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
Randomize
