We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize
