I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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