from now on my penis is your penis
Do vagina's smell?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
