he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
