I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
